Sexy Nurse and The Heart-Attack Grill

Have you every wanted to go to a sit-down restaurant for a delicious meal of a hamburger and fries, and have it served to you in about the same amount of time it takes for a fast-food joint to 'bag one up' for you? Then you have to go the to The Heart-Attack Grill.
Last Saturday night, my good friend, Johnny Wraith, came in from out of town to visit me. Around about seven-thirty, we decided to go out to get something to eat. We're simple folk, and so we wanted a simple meal. Johnny always enjoys a fun atmosphere, so he said, "I want to go somewhere we can get a hamburger, and see women [dressed in a sexy manner]."

Actually, what Johnny wanted to see was cleavage. No, I'm lying about that. I was trying to protect Johnny's reputation, I don't know why.

What he really said was, "I want to eat a burger, and see some boob." He can be such a caveman, at times.

It only took me about ten seconds before I came up with what I thought would be the ideal place to fulfill our needs: The Heart Attack Grill, at the southwest corner of the intersection of Thomas Road and 44th Street, in Phoenix. It has a rather interesting gimmick: all the waitresses dress in nurse's outfits, and the menu is very simple, being limited to burgers, fries, soft drinks, beer, and cigarettes.

It doesn't take a Rocket Scientist to figure out why it's called "The Heart Attack Grill."

Although I had never been there, I had driven by the place several times, and had heard rave reviews. It seemed like the perfect place to fill our bellies, and satisfy my curiosity about the place. I described what I knew about the place, subtly hinting that I wasn't going to offer any other options.

Johnny was all for checking out the place, so we were off.

Arriving at THAG around seven forty-five pm, I was a little concerned to see that there were few cars in the parking lot. At first I feared that the place did not live up to its reputation, and that people were staying away. Then I remembered that it wasn't even eight o'clock on a Saturday night. (The joint started to fill up around eight pm.)

Walking towards the door, we were greeted by two friendly waitresses as we passed the outdoor patio, and several more as we entered the building. I loved the decor: just about the only things inside were several long, industrial-type steel tables with bar stool seating. A mannequin dressed up as a nurse was posed in the front window. Clean and simple. Nothing to distract one from one's food, or dining companions.

Except for the waitresses, who as I've said before, were dressed in nurse's garb. Skimpy nurse's garb. Very skimpy... Well, you get the point.

We sat outside on the patio, which was also simple: about nine or ten wrought iron tables, four-place tables with chairs. Again, nothing to distract me from the meal at hand.

Except for the waitresses in their skimpy outfits.

Our waitress, Samantha, looking very fetching in her nurse's uniform, was very friendly. First, she took our drink orders: A Pabst Blue Ribbon for Johnny, and a Coke (in the bottle - so rare!) for me. Returning with our drinks, Samantha took our food orders: a cheeseburger without onions for Johnny, a cheeseburger (with everything) and fries for me. After having barely enough time to take one or two sips from our respective bottles, our dinner was delivered.

Amazing! A sit-down, full service dinner at fast-food speed. How do they do it? It's pretty simple, really. I'll let Samantha explain:

"Our complete food menu consists of only cheeseburgers and fries. All of the patties weigh a half of a pound, and all are cooked 'well-done' for health safety reasons. The only variation available is how many patties you want on your burger: one, two, three or four."

"Let me guess," I interjected at this point, "you call them 'Bypass Burgers?'

"Yep. Single through quadruple by-pass."

Johnny and I both had ordered The Single Bypass, not wanting to need an actual quadruple bypass later in life.

I love this concept. Because of the uniformity of the orders, the cook can start slapping burgers on the grill as soon as someone walks in. By the time the food order reaches him, the meat is almost done.

"How are your burgers?" Samantha asked us a few minutes later.

"Delicious!," we replied, in unison.

"How about the fries?"

"I love them!," I said.

Johnny, not wanting to be left out of the conversation, grabbed a few fries off my plate, stuffing them into his mouth. He was speechless; and why not? After all, his mouth was full! But, he nodded his head vigorously in agreement.

With two more beers for Johnny, and another Coke for me, our bill came up to $31.00. Here's the breakdown (I only paid attention to the price of the beers for sure; I'm guessing at the rest, but I think I'm real close, as the math come out okay):

• Two Single By-Pass Burgers @ $6.50 ea= $13.00.
• Three beers, @ $3.00 ea= $ 9.00
• Two Cokes @ $2.00 ea=$ 4.00
• One order of fries @ $3.00 ea=$ 3.00
• Tax $ 2.00
• Total: a very reasonable $31.00

When we left, Johnny and I agreed that The Heart-Attack Grill had been the perfect choice for our dinner outing. We loved the food, service and ambiance.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot; the view of the 'nurses' was also great also!

Heart-Attack Grill: I'll be back! Just as soon as I see a cardiologist.

Sincerely,

The Cab Guy