Livin' On Tucson Time!

I'm still down in Tucson with my friend Johnny Wraith, but I thought I give you all an update, as well as a reader submission from a Dublin cabbie named Roy.

Well, Johnny and I haven't been doing much beyond drinking, eating, playing chess, and some gambling.

It turns out that Johnny is a great cook. When I first met him, all he could do was run a microwave oven, and make espresso. Prior to my arrival Friday, he put half a turkey breast, some cream of mushroom soup, peppers and other vegetables in a crockpot. It was a very delicious meal, accompanied by flaky bisquits, and some Franzia wine. Okay, sure, Franzia is a boxed wine, but what the hell, drink enough of it, and you won't care at all. I know I didn't.

As to the chess, Johnny used to regularly kick my ass. I've gotten better. He's gotten drunker. I beat him five games to one, and we drew our seventh game. Go Franzia.

As to the gambling? I don't want to talk about it. Although the casino did buy us all our cigarettes!

And now here's Roy's story. I've left his open comments to me, and his style and formatting intact. Please visit him at his website when you get the chance.

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Hi

I've just found your site , great stuff! I've added it to the blogroll and
would appreciate if you could do the same.

Roy

If you use this please credit to www.irishtaxi.net

Naas (35km) and Back! Good......not!

I wasn't planning on working tonight, my wife just got back from her trip to
Chicago and I'd planned to stay in and have a chat, maybe watch a movie, Jet
lag intervened and by 9:30 she was hanging on by a thread, at 10:15 she was
in bed asleep, by 10:45 I had resolved to head out to work, another night
looking at the TV/PC would have done me in.

First job after a week off, was from the rank in St Stepens Green, She was
being held up by him, an inane grin on her face, as we say in Dublin "she
was locked", "out of her bin" , "twisted". I must have been soft after the
week off, because normally I'd have said she needed a walk to sober up first
but I allowed them in..."Naas" he said, Oh shit, I thought, she'll never
last....."Grand" I said, "Naas it is".

She fell asleep instantly and he talked about nothing in particular, there
were a few funny smells emanating, once I thought she'd shat herself, but it
didn't last long enough, thank god!

We arrived in Naas.... €51 paid, checked over her ass and the back seat, no
dampness, so all clear there as well!

While taking the photo above, a lad appeared out of no-where, gave me a
shock! Said he'd had a row with his girlfriend, had gotten out of the car
for a pee and she'd driven off, his wallet and phone were in the car and
would I please bring him into Dublin town. Now I really must be going soft,
because I knew this was a chancer but thought; ah I'm going back anyway, I
ll give the eeegit a lift.

He asked did I believe him? And I said "no not a word, but I'm feeling
generous", he admitted to lying and said he'd just left a party, said he'd
leave a glowing report on his Bebo page, I said "you won't, you'll leave a
glowing report on my Blog, that's the fare!"

I gave him the address on the back of a receipt, I bet he doesn't do it!

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I liked Roy's story for at least two reasons: the lady didn't foul his cab, and he took a chance on the 'eeegit'. He's a better man that I am. Don't get me wrong... I'd have given the fellow a ride. It's just that I would have made him ride on the hood. Tied down like a dear I'd just bagged on a hunting trip. Don't worry... I wouldn't have gutted him. But I probably would have rubbed him down with salt.

I'm sorry. Ignore everything after 'He's a better man than I am.' It's the Franzia talking. It overstimulates my imagination. And debilitates my internal censor. But it's a cheap drunk.

Just like me.

I hope to see you out there on the road.

Sincerely,

The Cab Guy

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Life Imitates Art

I've figured out that if I drive a cab long enough, I'm either going to meet a famous person, or meet someone who has the same name as a famous person. So far, it hasn't happened to me, but a cab driver friend I know did meet someone who shared the name of a relatively well-known movie character. I thought the outcome was hilarious!

Jeff E. is the name of my cabbie friend. We used to work for the same cab company in the Phoenix area, but I recently moved on to another company. We keep in regular contact by phone, sharing war stories, and comparing our daily results. I'll let Jeff tell the story his way:

"One day, about a year ago, I went to a house to pick up a lady who's name was Sarah Connor. At least that was the name given to me by the dispatch system. As you probably know, "Sarah Connor" is the name the character played by Linda Hamilton in the "Terminator" movies. In the first movie of the series, the Terminator, as played by Arnold Schwarzenegger, tries to kill Sarah; later on in the series he tries to save her from other terminators who are trying to kill her.

At one point, Arnold's character meets Sarah, and says, "If you want to live, come with me!" I thought I might have a little fun with this situation, if the timing was right.

When I arrived at my Sarah Connor's house, I made sure that my Ray Ban sunglasses, like the ones the Terminator wore, were on straight. I then got out of the car, walked up to the door, and knocked on it. I waited a few seconds, then the door opened to reveal a very disheveled woman. In my very best 'Arnold' voice, I asked,

"Are you Sarah Connor?"

"Yes," she replied.

I then held my hand out to her, just like Arnie did in the movie, and said,

"If you want to live, come with me!"

I was only joking, but she totally freaked out! She screamed, slammed the door, and I never saw her again.

For a little while I was worried that I would get in trouble for what I had done. But I never heard of any complaints. I still laugh every time I think about the look on her face; it was hilarious!"

Jeff called me up today to tell me that story. As soon as he said the name "Sarah Connor," I knew where he'd be going with the story. I started laughing almost immediately. Every time I've thought of it since I've had to giggle.

Thanks, Jeff, for letting me tell your story!

Sincerely,

The Cab Guy

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A Real Gypsy Cab

Well, friends, I've received my first true cab story from a reader. Ron writes of his experience with a 'gypsy cab' in Bulgaria. I post it here for your enjoyment.
Keep in mind that I know the reader, Ron, from another venue, where we play online poker for free points and bragging rights. Ron and I became pretty friendly with each other one night when we found ourselves in a wild game with several fish. As I remember, patience paid off for both of us that night, as both of our "chip counts" were substantially up when we left the game.

I have posted Ron's story 'as is,' except I have substituted "The Cab Guy" for the name by which he knows me.

"Hey, Cab Guy,

Thanks for pulling my chain; I just read and enjoyed your story about Ross.[Ed. Note: see "Dude, Where's My Cash?"] I’m still teaching at American University in Blagoevgrad, Bulgaria and still enjoying doing so. Funny thing, this past week was our fall break and my ex-wife (now girlfriend) came over to visit for 10 days. She flew into Sofia, about a two hour ride from here, 78 leva ($60) round trip by taxi AND GAS COSTS ABOUT $7 PER GALLON.

Anyway, on her return trip we decided to spend the weekend in Sofia, the country’s capital and a city of about 1.4 million. Taxis are generally very inexpensive anywhere in this country – not so this time for me. We had taken a cab to an outdoor market for maybe 3 leva (2 bucks). After walking a great deal MJ, my girlfriend/ex-wife, was tired and cold, so I hailed a cab to take us back to the hotel. The ride was unforgettable; I’ve watched more sedate driving on TV watching European road rallies. Anyway, when we got to our destination I pulled out three leva (about 2 bucks – see above) and he pointed at his meter showing over 7 leva. Fortunately, the hotel bellman was there to intervene and keep me from doing something really dumb. I can afford $5 dollars for a taxi ride if I’m staying in a $150 per night hotel but that wasn’t the point.

As the doorman explained, after I paid exactly 7.3 leva (no tip this time), there are some gypsy taxis that have the same name OK Taxi and the same yellow color as legitimate cabs, the difference is the legitimate taxis have two red dots on their name. Now I know, understand, and still don’t like it but. . .

Now back to reading another of your blogs – sure beats working. Hope to find you at a table again, my chip count’s a little short.

Best to you.

Ron"

Well, Ron, I was entertained by the idea that you were "rolled" by the driver of a "Gypsy Cab" in a land so close to the ancestral homeland of the real Gypsies. If it's any consolation, you could think of it this way: it probably cost less than the roller coaster ride at any Six Flags-over-wherever-the-hell-we-are. See you at the tables real soon. I'm feeling lucky!

Sincerely,

The Cab Guy

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