How About A Flat Rate?

Sometimes it seems to me that everyone is trying to "get over" on the cabby. At least once a day some Nimrod will get into my cab and ask me for a "flat rate" which is to say, a firm declaration on my part at the beginning of a trip how much I will charge the passenger at the end of the trip.
Now, I know some people, based on past experience, having taken the same trip dozens, or maybe even hundreds of times, already know the approximate fare of the trip they're about to take, and don’t want to have to fumble around with paying me, and then waiting for their change. They already know that the cost will be about, say, $12.00, and they would just as soon give it to me up front, and settle back and enjoy the ride.

These types of people are being honest and upfront with me, and usually say something like,

"I normally pay $12.00, with a two dollar tip; is that good for you?"

In cases like this, I quickly estimate the fare in my head, and if it’s close, I take the money, and off we go.

However, for other people, there is a more sinister motive. What they want to do is pay less than the service is worth, usually a lot less. These folks will ask for a flat rate from point A to point B, knowing that if I accept it, they are going to have the opportunity to con me into believing that the service they actually want is the service to which I agreed.

It usually goes something like this: "Fifteen okay for this trip?"

If I say yes, then all of a sudden they start asking for detours and extra stops along the way, in essence, cheating me out of my proper recompense. I can usually sniff out these morons, because their speech and body language gives them away.

I like to have fun with them, and ask a question like,

"Hey, do you have to negotiate your paycheck with your boss?"

Of course, I usually get a response like, "What do you mean?"

I say, "Well, what if, when you go to work in the morning, your boss was to say, 'Hey, how about I only pay you half of your hourly wage today?' Would you go for something like that?"

"Hell, no! He ain’t gonna rip me off that way!"

This is when I retort, "'Hell No!' is right, and I'm the same way. I don't negotiate my paycheck, and I don't do 'flats.'"

"Besides which, speaking of flats, if it comes to that, I’ve got a spare in the trunk."

Sincerely,

The Cab Guy

(This little rant was excerpted from my column, "Road Rage: Tales From the Taxi," and appeared in a February, 2003, issue of Fast Lane Magazine, a Phoenix-area entertainment guide.)